meandmymentalhealthmatters posted: " Please be aware that some of the content may be triggering. Please take care The last few weeks (probably longer) have been really tough mentally. My thoughts have been everywhere. I feel lost. I don't feel connected to anyone. I just feel like I do"
Please be aware that some of the content may be triggering. Please take care
The last few weeks (probably longer) have been really tough mentally. My thoughts have been everywhere. I feel lost. I don't feel connected to anyone. I just feel like I don't know what to do or who to turn to. This has meant things have felt chaotic.
I am trying so hard to be OK. So hard not to burden everyone. So hard to just keep going. But I'm failing. Things I shouldn't do have been appealing and led to some questionable decisions. This means I'm just making things worse. Self harm is a part of my daily life anyway but it's more appealing and more of a need. I've contacted someone who has hurt me in the past and he's making me uncomfortable. I feel lost in this world.
I am also trying to do the right things: exercise, eat healthy, sleep, things I normally enjoy, meds. It all feels hard. Social stuff is really hard. I'm avoiding it because whenever I talk to anyone I feel so awful. It feels overwhelming. It's like I've lost all ability to communicate and deal with people in a social way. Hearing the voices doesn't help as they reinforce my insecurities.
I think part of the feeling lost is because the emotions are all there inside me and I have no idea what any of them are. I struggle identifying feelings in general. I mean I'm using the term feeling lost but I'm not sure if this is what I feel or if I've merged other things. It's hard not knowing how I truly feel. What the feelings in my body and mind are. I don't see other people having to pull out a giant folder of therapy notes to try and work it out. Surely I should get what I'm feeling without having to work through every bit? And it's not easy even then. I think that's why I go to I'm tired so much. It's a safe feeling. It might not be 100% accurate.
Anyway I felt I'd write this out. Maybe to see it out there without directing it to anyone would feel easier. Not sure it's worked. I just want to disappear. I'm safe. I have too much to do to not be.
The last few weeks (probably longer) have been really tough mentally. My thoughts have been everywhere. I feel lost. I don't feel connected to anyone. I just feel like I do" 
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