I recently saw a video from Tabitha Brown where she talked about a list she made several years ago detailing the things she was believing God for and how certain things on her list have come to pass. Listening to her story made me wonder what I'm believing God for versus what I'm trying to do all on my own (or don't believe I can do at all).

One of the things I have most recently put in God's hands is the book of essays and short stories I'm working to self-publish. At first, it was just something I wanted to do. A hobby. I didn't want to take money (when it was offered) to finish the book quicker because I didn't have expectations for this book. I just wanted to do it. At some point in the last few months, though, I realized a lot of my thinking was fear-based because I didn't believe this book could be anything but another one of my "keep busy" projects. I had no expectations for it to sell, and I wasn't going to do a book launch or make a big deal of it. But, I decided to allow myself to think bigger and have hopes and expectations for the book, which also requires me to invite God to participate.

So, I'm believing God for this book. I believe He has a purpose and a plan for this book, and even though I cannot see what it is, I know it would be disobedience if I did not follow through with self-publishing.

Alignment is something else I'm working toward. I do not feel aligned in all aspects of my life (one aspect, specifically, is my work), and I know we all experience this place from time to time. I also know life changes and I will feel out of alignment again in the future. The point is, I need to acknowledge when I feel out of alignment with who I am and where I need to be in a given season and make whatever change is necessary to get back into place. I've never had my neck adjusted by a chiropractor, but I've heard there is a feeling of relief once your body is realigned, sometimes in ways you didn't even know were off. I know what's off in my life right now, and as much doubt and fear as I feel about making a change, I know it needs to happen.

So, I'm believing God for a primary source of income that is in alignment with who I am, meets my current financial needs (including book publishing and debt payoff), and allows me the freedom to live my life in the best way possible (including following my spirit to sunshine and shorelines on a random Wednesday morning).

I've talked about relationships on here several times. Dating has been incredibly emotional for me lately. Letting someone in, revealing the parts of myself that haven't fully healed, being vulnerable enough to let someone experience the way anxiety affects my life... it all feels too much. The actions I take to make myself feel comfortable in a space are often points of insecurity for me, and I haven't wanted anyone to see it. Dating means getting close to someone physically as well as emotionally, and physical touch has been incredibly difficult and triggering for me this past year. But I want to be in a healthy romantic relationship. I want to experience emotional and physical intimacy in a way that does not trigger anxiety attacks. I want to experience this in a way I feel safe.

So, I'm believing God for a healthy romantic relationship with a man who is going to be the best partner for me. I need this man to be a safe space where I can feel anything (happy, excited, hopeful, sad, anxious, afraid, disappointed) except judgement.

I still get emotional discussing my mental health and how I deal with anxiety. It is a really heavy weight to bear, and I've mostly carried it on my own. Even when others have expressed a desire to help, I always feel I shouldn't burden them with the weight I carry. God has held me up this past year. Walked next to me when the burden was bearable, and kept me on my feet when I felt I was being crushed by the weight of it all.

So, I'm believing God for complete healing of my mind and my spirit. Reaching a place where I feel whole and strong is the most important thing right now, and I know God will bring people into my life who foster me in finding my way. I need people. We all need people.

There are more things on my list, but these are the biggest ones. These are the ones I cannot even fathom on my own, let alone try to handle them on my own. Because God's timing is so unlike our own, these things can come quickly or slowly; they can come one at a time or all at once. I just want to be ready and open when they come, and that's another thing I'm believing God for... to make me ready.

It's my second favorite day of the week, and I finally feel relief enough to wash my hair (I pulled a muscle in my lower back two weeks ago and I have had some rough moments and limited range of movement), so I'm looking forward to preparing for the Sabbath.

Let me know in the comments what you're believing God for.

Be blessed.

-CH