I don't always do well with change. Once I am comfortable somewhere, it is difficult for me to leave, even if it is time to leave. The past few months have brought about a significant change in my life—the sale of my parents' first home and a lengthy moving process.

We lived in that house for twenty years, and it was the center of our family after my grandparents' house was lost. We had family gatherings in our home several times each year before 2020. It was warm and inviting, it's where family stayed when they came in from out of town (though that often frustrated me), babies took their first steps, tears were shed, and hugs were given. It wasn't just the home of my parents, brothers, and myself; it was our larger family's home in a sense.

When my mom decided she'd rather buy a new house than complete all the renovations she desired for the existing one, I was totally on board. However, the process of selling a home is stressful. It's even more stressful during a global pandemic when people are coming into your space and touching your belongings. And since the house sold before the new house has been built, we've temporarily moved into an apartment (which also means we have to go through the hectic moving process again in a few months).

I feel a little unstable, and instability is one of my biggest fears. Why, though?

If I can analyze myself for a moment... not knowing which way I'm going to land makes me feel lost, and being lost feels like I could be hurt, and being hurt feels like I could suffer, and suffering feels like I could die, and dying feels like leaving (and hurting) the people I love, and leaving the people I love feels like being alone forever, and being alone forever feels like pain, and pain feels like dying but not dying, and I don't want to exist in a state of feeling like I'm dying without the relief of death.

Instability makes me feel like I will be in constant pain. Leaving my home feels like I am exposed to danger, and leaving my job feels like I am exposed to poverty. Neither feels like I will be exposed to greater freedom and security, or a stronger identity and relationship with God.

I am reminded, though, God created us to change. The seasons change from winter to spring to summer to fall, caterpillars change into butterflies, babies change into elderly people, the sun changes position in the sky, the wind changes direction, and the universe changes as it expands. We are built to change. So, essentially, not changing is the bigger risk.

That's something I'm going to have to sit with this weekend. I have been reluctant about change in some ways, and fighting it completely in others, and I know it has limited me. As I am on a journey to expand myself in new ways, I want to embrace change, encourage it even, because I'm starting to believe I am limiting God's blessings by being resistant to change, and God will bless me even more than He already has through changes in my life.

Is there a change you are avoiding? What is the fear associated with making that change? Write it down, think about it, pray about it, and understand the next step you need to take. Then take the step. I'm eager to live a more abundant life, and I pray you are as well.

Be blessed!

-CH